So many of you may not know that I specialise in digital marketing as a whole. From advertising, SEO, SEM , branding and social media. I never was a specialist until a few years ago but how I got to where I am will be a different post. So, since social media is a part of my job scope, perhaps you can understand how weird it is for me to quit or should I say "temporarily disable" my Instagram account. 

I LOVE ANYTHING TECH. I love keeping up on what's new, upgrades and startups that failed and since social media is a big game player in digital marketing it made me be a part of it, subconsciously. If you read my last post, I wrote on how I was not okay and perhaps currently I am still crossing the bridge to a better self. 

So yesterday, after having my morning filled with occupied thoughts about how I feel, where I am, my past, my trouble, my happiness and my work - and I even tried meditating - I felt a lot more of frustration when my habit of opening the Instagram app when I have the extra time ( comment below if you have this unconscious habit as well ) scrolling through my Instagram feed. Not like in a hulk - angry way or crying while scrolling, but more of a dissatisfied-self. I didn't understand my thought process so I broke it down and it lead me to two main reasons:

1) Virtual distance.

Instead of making me feel closer to my friends, with me hearting their posts, commenting on their pictures - I felt more distant from them more than ever. I don't even message these people now on whatsapp or give them a call to truly ask how they are. It feel like I am a troll from heaven ( because I don't say mean things on the internet, lol ) and these were real friends back then where I used to meet up. But now they are just a "hello" and "lets take a picture for instagram" when i meet them at events / by coincidence. When I do meet them  we seem to know about each other so well because of the images on Instagram, but where is the depth of friendship in that? Yes - it is sad truth. Somehow my friends has became acquaintances and mending it is difficult since I don't feel the connection anymore. 

2) Curated lies.

As I am a digital specialist, I know the in-depth marketing push that goes around SM. A few months ago, one by one, the curated images on my instagram feed began to be questionable for me. Are those travel/ food images used for the purpose of sharing / ad ( honestly I get lied to by so many instagrammers when they say food /coffee is so fucking good because they are paid for it and when I get there is like do you even know how to cook bro? ). Is the KOL that I follow posting this to promote their own brand or is it really good when they don't hashtag #ad? Am I blindsided by the fame, social status, money, beauty of the curated lies?

The two reasons above have made me feel a little more lonelier and honestly I should have quite Instagram earlier because this unconscious habit that was blocking my inner peace mentally has now been lifted off. 

I am not sure whether I will be enabling my personal account but definitely not anytime soon. On another note, I know all the above is all my own doing -mentally and I still think Instagram is an amazing tool for business so don't think I am saying that Instagram is the devil. 

If you are reading this because you are not sure of quitting Instagram or not my advice is, if you are actually thinking about this matter, there is a negative energy that has surfaced in you regarding the social mechanics of the app. Take a break and temporarily disable your account. Just like me, if one day you wake up and feel like hey, let me try Instagram again - do it. It is just a fucking app anyway - don't let it dictate your life. HAHAHAHA.