Career decisions ain't easy.
I was placed in a position where I would have to lead teams to shift a company direction and bring it forward and this came in a total overwhelming decision for me. Taking it positively was difficult and making it negative was way easier but somehow even though with the huge responsibility on my shoulder it made me work quicker. Weird but I couldn't digest myself and with energy shifting into a unstable place, meditation and exercising took place.
Did it help? A little but I was still worked up. I understood why I didn't want the position but it left me being annoyed with myself on limiting my motivation to scale in my career. Perhaps I was already in that position and my ego is telling me I don't need it now because I need to focus on my career goals ( which it to be more of a specialist in my current work area ) as well as my personal plans when it comes to family, my relationship, travels, money, etc..
When it is all planned out so well and everything shifts due to a may or may not be an unavoidable reason, the shift in that decision was like there was an earthquake remote on my shoes and every single time I walk my world was breaking to pieces. Dramatic? I protest.
So now what do I do about it? Talking it out with management was on the table and it was dealt with but surprisingly my energy is still shaking and moods have been twirling. More meditation and exercising? Perhaps. Finding the right decision is difficult when I thought I found the perfect career decision before this whirlwind.
I have to make a decision again today and if I do i have to shift my plannings for next year ( I don't know how when I already made 4 big travel plans for next year and paying mortgage is a bummer to anyone's bank). This is what it feels like to be a grown up kids.
It fucking sucks.