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Career decisions ain't easy.

I was placed in a  position where I would have to  lead teams to shift a company direction and bring it forward and this came in a total overwhelming decision for me. Taking it positively was difficult and making it negative was way easier but somehow even though with the huge responsibility on my shoulder it made me work quicker. Weird but I couldn't digest myself and with energy shifting into a unstable place, meditation and exercising took place. 

Did it help? A little but I was still worked up. I understood why I didn't want the position but it left me being annoyed with myself on limiting my motivation to scale in my career. Perhaps I was already in that position and my ego is telling me I don't need it now because I need to focus on my career goals ( which it to be more of a specialist in my current work area )  as well as my personal plans when it comes to family, my relationship, travels, money, etc.. 

When it is all planned out so well and everything shifts due to a may or may not be an unavoidable reason, the shift in that decision was like there was an earthquake remote on my shoes and every single time I walk my world was breaking to pieces. Dramatic? I protest. 

 *Thank God I have a partner who is constantly cheerful when I create bloody dramas in my own head. Sending me weird videos and cat pictures every single time I am emotional to make me happy. Maybe I should work in the F&B business instead. Wait no, there is more shit there.. hahaha. 

*Thank God I have a partner who is constantly cheerful when I create bloody dramas in my own head. Sending me weird videos and cat pictures every single time I am emotional to make me happy. Maybe I should work in the F&B business instead. Wait no, there is more shit there.. hahaha. 

So now what do I do about it? Talking it out with management was on the table and it was dealt with but surprisingly my energy is still shaking and moods have been twirling. More meditation and exercising? Perhaps. Finding the right decision is difficult when I thought I found the perfect career decision before this whirlwind.

I have to make a decision again today and if I do i have to shift my plannings for next year ( I don't know how when I already made 4 big travel plans for next year and paying mortgage is a bummer to anyone's bank). This is what it feels like to be a grown up kids.

It fucking sucks. 

*Be positive*

Thursday mood at work : non-productive.

Today has been non productive for me at work with me spending my entire morning reading articles on digital marketing in 2018 ( if you are interested, a good read on what to expecT in digital marketing landscape here:How Digital Marketing Landscape Transformed in 2017 & What to Expect in 2018 ) and thinking what to eat for lunch. Then I continued my day with more article reading on topics regarding social media and game changing apps ( I see none worth sharing). Then it hit me about an hour ago on how much I miss my cats especially Porter which is the youngest and I feel like I should care more for him compared to the rest since he is blind in one eye but I know every time I see him he is the craziest out of the lot! Jumping on cabinets and the bigger cats and the loudest meows ever.

I wonder what it is doing right now.. probably asking his dad for more food. 

Oh yeah and now work is over and I am going to meet my girlfriends for dinner. It was clearly a non productive paid work day - horrible, I know. I will work smarter tomorrow. 

Pray for me. and my company. LOL.

dailyiqa mdaily, catComment
I am a fan of Prince Harry & Meghan Markle's love!

This might be quite random but I was gushing all over the internet yesterday when Prince Harry and Meghan made it official to us royal fans about the proposal. After months of National Enquirer & Hello scandalous news that I please myself with ( even though I know 99% percent of those stories is not true... like come on Meghan preggers months ago?) it is now all out in open and I can't wait for their marriage.

I just love stories of people being in love, falling in love, how the made it through love. Don't get me wrong, I can connect with people who broke out love, why they could not make me work and why they had to break it off since we all been through that but love is just beautiful and it gives you amazing endorphin - okay maybe just me - to just believe in the beauty of living all over again.

I think it is a little weird for me when I am not a fan romantic books nor romantic movies as they are just made up dramas in a writer's head but when it's 100% a "real" love story, you feel somehow connected don't you think?

Anyway, enough of me falling in love with their love story, do you even care about the royal family? 

Watch the really cute video of their interview below!

Visual Diary : Restoran Ruby / cheapest banana leaf in KL / cats!
 Here is a visual diary of one of the weekends in KL with my partner and the kids (the cats of course! ). We went to have peanut and red bean soup at Restoran Red Ruby which was authentically pretty good, beef noodle recommended by a friend of my partner near central market... which is just okay ( I tasted better) and if you are ever in Sunway Velocity, head over to Makan Makan by Parkson where you will get the cheapest banana leaf ever in KL and the chicken curry is bloody delicious. 

Here is a visual diary of one of the weekends in KL with my partner and the kids (the cats of course! ). We went to have peanut and red bean soup at Restoran Red Ruby which was authentically pretty good, beef noodle recommended by a friend of my partner near central market... which is just okay ( I tasted better) and if you are ever in Sunway Velocity, head over to Makan Makan by Parkson where you will get the cheapest banana leaf ever in KL and the chicken curry is bloody delicious. 

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So many of you may not know that I specialise in digital marketing as a whole. From advertising, SEO, SEM , branding and social media. I never was a specialist until a few years ago but how I got to where I am will be a different post. So, since social media is a part of my job scope, perhaps you can understand how weird it is for me to quit or should I say "temporarily disable" my Instagram account. 

I LOVE ANYTHING TECH. I love keeping up on what's new, upgrades and startups that failed and since social media is a big game player in digital marketing it made me be a part of it, subconsciously. If you read my last post, I wrote on how I was not okay and perhaps currently I am still crossing the bridge to a better self. 

So yesterday, after having my morning filled with occupied thoughts about how I feel, where I am, my past, my trouble, my happiness and my work - and I even tried meditating - I felt a lot more of frustration when my habit of opening the Instagram app when I have the extra time ( comment below if you have this unconscious habit as well ) scrolling through my Instagram feed. Not like in a hulk - angry way or crying while scrolling, but more of a dissatisfied-self. I didn't understand my thought process so I broke it down and it lead me to two main reasons:

1) Virtual distance.

Instead of making me feel closer to my friends, with me hearting their posts, commenting on their pictures - I felt more distant from them more than ever. I don't even message these people now on whatsapp or give them a call to truly ask how they are. It feel like I am a troll from heaven ( because I don't say mean things on the internet, lol ) and these were real friends back then where I used to meet up. But now they are just a "hello" and "lets take a picture for instagram" when i meet them at events / by coincidence. When I do meet them  we seem to know about each other so well because of the images on Instagram, but where is the depth of friendship in that? Yes - it is sad truth. Somehow my friends has became acquaintances and mending it is difficult since I don't feel the connection anymore. 

2) Curated lies.

As I am a digital specialist, I know the in-depth marketing push that goes around SM. A few months ago, one by one, the curated images on my instagram feed began to be questionable for me. Are those travel/ food images used for the purpose of sharing / ad ( honestly I get lied to by so many instagrammers when they say food /coffee is so fucking good because they are paid for it and when I get there is like do you even know how to cook bro? ). Is the KOL that I follow posting this to promote their own brand or is it really good when they don't hashtag #ad? Am I blindsided by the fame, social status, money, beauty of the curated lies?

The two reasons above have made me feel a little more lonelier and honestly I should have quite Instagram earlier because this unconscious habit that was blocking my inner peace mentally has now been lifted off. 

I am not sure whether I will be enabling my personal account but definitely not anytime soon. On another note, I know all the above is all my own doing -mentally and I still think Instagram is an amazing tool for business so don't think I am saying that Instagram is the devil. 

If you are reading this because you are not sure of quitting Instagram or not my advice is, if you are actually thinking about this matter, there is a negative energy that has surfaced in you regarding the social mechanics of the app. Take a break and temporarily disable your account. Just like me, if one day you wake up and feel like hey, let me try Instagram again - do it. It is just a fucking app anyway - don't let it dictate your life. HAHAHAHA. 

I am not okay today.

I woke up this morning feeling negative. Insecurities like sugar ants attracted to spills crept in and I went through thoughts of doubts of where I am, my relationships, my workspace .. almost everything felt like it shouldn't matter or it was not good enough. 

Both of my elder cats came on to my bed as if they notice something was wrong with me or perhaps they just like me stroking their fur and that thought lingered on for a while in my head before I headed to the bathroom. Took the time to wash my face, brush my teeth, placed some cat food and did my make up without looking in the mirror. 

The thoughts in my head then was worrying about the dust on the mirror to how old I am this year. My mind was still occupied from my recent travels as well as the insecurities I have on how I look. Did I not care enough on how I don't apply my makeup / take care of my skin / am I suppose to wear more professional looking clothes to work as that would be my first impression to anyone / is my metabolism slowing down because of my age / why am I so lazy to actually go to the gym even though I am awake at 6 a.m/ why am I only working but not doing anything for a good cause / is my work actually benefitting anyone ... and this goes on until it was time to leave for work as well as in the car on the way to work. 

Now that I have sat down on my desk in an empty room, the only thing I head is the sound from the air-cond. I decided to look through my emails while my heart / brain feels empty.  Then a message bleeped on my phone from my partner who knows about my morning and told me the kindest words of how he will go through everything with me by my side even though I know this is something I need to work on, by myself. My own confidence, my own growth. However, his message was a light to my day and this got me to writing this. 

Even though I feel alone, I am not alone.

Even though I feel pain or lack of confidence, doesn't mean I can't work to strengthen it. 

Even though this might just be a negative that happens once in a blue moon, doesn't mean it should be ignored.

This a post to remind me of this feeling I have and if are ever in the same boat as I am, i think we will be okay.

Hello, September 2017

It is September and I have so many plans so little time. Who knew that when you think your calendar looks pretty empty, out of the blue, your calendar populates by "itself". Just when I thought I will be able to just lie down on my couch, have some McDonalds nuggets and watch Korean drama all day, everyday.

A week more to BALI and I am excited! This time round SAO will be doing the planning of cafe's to go too and I will just sit back and give him directions, lol! I am thinking of doing some basic mindful things like meditation and yoga but I haven't gone round to researching to that yet.

I have been meaning to exercise as well, and the last time I stepped into the gym was 3 months ago. It is always" I will go to the gym tomorrow" and when the time comes my mind will be like " you know what, I deserve to have the rest " FML.

I haven't done my hair, nails, change some money, dentist , check my eyes, contacts... ughhhh the list goes on and this is without including important stuff like work.

Oh right. I went to SEA GAMES as pictured above. I have nothing much to say about it besides I would like to remember that moment when you are just proud of your country. It is a good feeling when everyone is cheering for the same thing.

Oh well, off to cook some tuna pasta.


Six more months to 2018!

Ever since my trip to Singapore, it reminded me of my constant travels back then and how I just miss it. Definitely not about a)going to airport, b) buying snacks you don't need, c) having a quiet workout on the airline seats ( this just means shifting uncomfortably MANY MANY TIMES) and d) going through immigration. I wonder why some countries haven't gone paperless for immigration. Why am I filling in things you can just ask me - type it in to the bloody computer / scan my passport for main details? Isn't that what immgiration officers is for? to communicate with us aliens?


Anyway... what am I trying to say..

Oh right. So I made a few travel bookings in the month of Sept & October besides and I am looking forward to it.  One is obviously Bali (to date : an annual trip for 10 years! ) with my partner, then mostly likely a country in SEA and another a city in Australia.

This means more videos, discovering delicious food and exploring another city.


I am not trying to be the one bringing you bad news however it is LESS THAN 6 MONTHS TO 2018! Can you believe it? Like what have I done? Being a slave to work - check. Over eating junk food - check. Always thinking of exercising but not doing it? - check.

Till next time!

Happy Birthday To Me.

What I think I am lack of doing now is about helping others.  My work does a few CSR projects, but it is a little different than your own CSR projects... it is a different feeling. I am doing the he whole auto-debit every month from your account to help a child in Laos and Timur Leste since I was in college and don't get me wrong - it is a great way to help but I feel a little disconnected. I want to help someone who needs it, face to face. Perhaps a little more digging on the web should do, but if you know of any that I could give a helping hand, can you nudge your girl here to the right direction?

As I am typing this, it will be a few more hours until my birthday is over. I thought it would be a good time for me to sit down and reflect.  I am pretty content right now with my life. I have a house (well, mortgage is not a fun responsibility but still.. ) family, partner and good friends. I know in the next few months it would be another new adventure for me in terms of work, however, thats for me to go through it later.

Like everyone, my age or older, I got to know what I want, needed and look forward to in life. For instance, clothes. I used to buy clothes every other day from wherever I was. Now I spend more on clothes that comes with quality and to be honest the last time I shopped was a few months ago. I used to make fun of my mom being a shopaholic buying way too many skincare products than she needs but now it seems that I am the one inviting her to my trips to skincare counters every time she is in town. 


Anyway, got to go. Have to spend the next few hours munching on delicious pizza, music and quality time with the rest. 

Oh, and before I forget, a little note to myself in future (just in case I decide to be all melancholy)

Stop worrying so much. Stay strong with the decisions you make. Follow your hear and better yet with a little bit of rationality to it. Don't ever forget to ever love your family and partner each more each day but most importantly, yourself. 

Happy birthday to me :)

While Waitin: Cafe Hopping.

One of the best things to do in Kuala Lumpur / LIVING is actually satisfying your senses and my favourite would have to be my taste buds. Even with the lack of update, I bring my camera everywhere I go to capture moments.

Here is to the moments I captured since February edited to less than a minute. Editing it to a minute is difficult so this is just less than a quarter of the footage I actually have!

Cafe's I visited in this vlog: Delirium, PiuPiuPiu KL,Chocha Food Store, The Bright Side & Tapak.

Do recommend me places to go :)